May 5, 2012:
My first post. It’s only 9:56AM and it’s already been an interesting day. I’m so close to my period and I’m bloated and cramping. A client asked me, this morning, how many months pregnant I am! What a confidence breaker. But really it’s just the motivation I need.
Anyway, I feel like my progress has been slower than normal. I have lost weight before and it never took this long to see any type of result. I’m guessing it’s cause I’m getting older therefore my metabolism is getting slower. Either way I’m working out more than ever. I bumped up my 4 times a week to 6 times a week and got myself a personal trainer. He is going to kick my ass….I just know it!
I put myself on the scale and I lost 2 pounds this week. Not complaining but with all the working out and rabbit eating (still eating 1200 calories..nothing more or less) I would have lost a tad bit more. But I guess I will have to be satisfied considering it’s something.
I really have no support out here. My boyfriend eats like shit! I mean he goes on taco diets (not the healthy kind) for months. The man can eat whatever he wants and never gains a damn pound. My girlfriends Leah and Cari are naturally skinny and beautiful and Dany everyone else is a healthy normal weight. I’m the only one struggling with weight. The only one pushing herself to…my mental perfection. I know I’m not going to look perfect and I really I don’t want that. But I want to be confident about myself again and love the person I see in the mirror. I don’t know I feel like I’m rambling now. I’m just sick of being bigger than my boyfriend, bigger than everyone else. I’ve been thinking about therapy lately. I think it would help me see myself in a different light. A better, more confident light. But no matter how low my confidence is I will NOT give up and stop fighting! It’s just never going to happen.
May 9th, 2012:
Met with my personal trainer for the first time yesterday. Man did he kick me ass and I loved every minute of it. He made me work on machines that I have never touched before. He says my biggest problem is that I have horrible posture. Ha, I’m not going to lie, I have the worst posture! Now it’s all I can think about. Anyway, it’s the best $129 (3 sessions) I have ever spent.
My cleanse is over. I lost 7 pounds and now I’m working my ass off to keep it off. I’ve upped my workouts from 5 times a week to 6. Upped my cardio from 35 minutes to 45.
Food: my motherfreaking weakness. I’m so happy that I hate every fast food restaurant. It makes it so much easier. But stuff like bread and butter, pancakes, and tacos, are my favorite. It’s been nothing but a struggle staying away from that stuff. I will say I have I have done very well this past month. I haven’t eaten at Torchys Tacos since March!! Yippie! Sadly I did eat some pap johns last night. I took off all the toppings but still…I shouldn’t have done it. Trying so hard to not beat myself up right now. I’m going to keep my head held up high and know that with everyday I get stronger and more balanced in my eating.
May 29, 2012:
I haven’t written in awhile and I’m sorry. So I upped my workouts. Monday I do not workout! Monday sucks and my motivation is low low low haha! Tuesday, and Wednesday i wake up super early, make myself some breakfast which is usually 2 eggs with toast. I either put a fine layer of jelly on it or a super fine layer of peanut butter with bananas and sprinkle cinnamon on top. So yummy. I then go to work and after being there for 30 minutes I will make a protein shake. Work my normal 8 hours, go home and make myself dinner. This varies so much that I can’t even explain what I have. BUT I stopped going to my boyfriends right after work. Adam eats like crap…I mean super crap and I found myself eating what he was eating. So I go home and eat first then go over there. It has helped a lot. Anyway, on Thursdays, and Friday I do the same thing but after work I go back to the gym and work out for about 30 minutes (morning is an hour). Saturdays and Sundays I go to the gym with my friends Leah and Dany and they show me new workouts all the time. Love both of them. Speaking of Leah and Dany..they just graduated from UT Austin (YAY) and that whole week while their family was here I would go with them and well I can’t say I ate unhealthy but it wasn’t clean. They went out every night and I’m sorry just cause you order lean meat and vegetables doesn’t mean it’s healthy or healthier or what not. I would ask the waitress if I could have my meal dry and of course she looked at me funny and when the meal would come out it would be covered in butter. Yuck! So no more eating out for me. Not for a long time anyway. But all in all I am slowly starting to see results which makes me super happy. Still having some problems with Adam but things are starting to look up. Thank God! XOXO